searching and trusting...

"You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all of your heart." -Jeremiah 29:13

so... something that i have been constantly wrestling with over the past few weeks and probably will continue to deal with is truly seeking the Lord out with a trusting spirit. i have discovered that by following my dream, by moving up to the mountains, and finding a job (even though it only lasts 8 months) that is mainly focused on serving God... i've learned that other areas of my life have become completely vunerable and are now far enough away from me that I have to trust God with them:

with my mom dealing with her grave's disease- all i want to do is be there with her and do things for her to make this stressful time easier for her... but because i'm literally 9 hours away from her i'm having to trust that He is in control of the situation and has a reason for separating me from my family in a difficult time and has a plan in store, rather than me doubting His call/timing for my life up here

with my future itself... it honestly scares me silly to know that when the summer ends i honestly have no clue where i'll be or what i'll be doing with my life. sure i have ideas and possibilities but none of those ideas are a reality yet- once again it comes back to the point that i have got to trust the Lord and truly seek Him out by laying my fears before Him and truly handing them over to Him...

fears have all of sudden taken over my life- connie jokes about the fact that i'm scared of everything... but the truth is- i've become that way lately... but why should i fear? it doesn't make sense if i'm truly seeking my Lord, my best friend out in everything i do... the one thing i know to be true is the fact that He'll be there for me through these doubts and fears... i'm learning to let go and let Him lead as scary as it may seem.